my babies

my babies

Tuesday, 7 September 2010

My Pregnancy.

I knew before i took the test, before i missed my period, i knew something wasnt right ive always been in tune with my body. I was exhausted by 8pm that was the biggest give away for me.

I went to my local time to talk, 4 days late the test came up negative, but i still knew. Went back 7 days later and it was a very strong positive. I wasnt shocked because i knew, it took a while to sink in.

I had been with the father for 6 months, it was great at first exciting! He was older 'cooler' but the past few months he started to get very controlling, i couldnt go out with friends without him been their he didnt even want me staying at home with my parents. It was the cannabis that caused it, he smoked every single day he promised he'd give up. 

I remember the night i told my mum so clearly. It was a usuall day for us, id been to college he picked me up took me straight to his friends house, his friend was leaving so he begged me just to have one drag to say goodbye, i reluctantly agreed, but he didnt stop. Eventually he took me home i broke down in tears in the car he shouted, telling me how stupid i was and it was only drugs it was raining. As soon as i got out of the car he followed me shouting and shouting. I got in the house ran upstairs to my bedroom soaking wet and cried and cried and cried. My mum came up i told her about the drugs about me been scared of him then i told her i was 8 weeks pregnant. She hugged me untill i settled down.

My mum told my dad, they werent happy expecially as they knew about his drugs, i wanted to get out of the relationship i really did but i wanted my baby to have a dad maybe he was going to change once we had a scan? He didnt. I finally plucked up the courage to say it was over, it wasnt easy i was scared about what he was going to do, He told me so many times he'd make my life hell if i broke up with him. I was 18 weeks when i finally broke up with him..

The next day he barged into my house shouting at me, shouting at my mum telling me to get an abortion that the baby wasnt his. I thought maybe that was the last id see of him but it wasnt.

My parents still werent happy but it was to late to have an abortion, i couldnt of gone through with it expecially after feeling my baby inside me. I didnt have any friends i was secluded. But i knew my old friends were bad for me and my baby. I concentrated hard at college, i wasnt doing very well when i was with him, but i knew i had to do this for my baby.

20 weeks pregnant was a milestone. Expecially when me and my mum went to the scan! I was so sure i was having a boy but when they said girl i was so thrilled! I little girl, i could play with her hair play barbies do lots of girly things, my mum seemed a little smily aswell!

As my tummy grew it became more real id spend hours layed on my bed feeling and watching my stomach moving! It felt so unreal but i loved it, the only thing i wasnt so keane on was been sick every night i hated been sick, id have to wake up as soon as i fell to sleep. Been pregnant had made me so tired. Id be in bed by 8pm and it wasnt like me one bit!

I had picked lots of names for my baby girl, Annabelle Grace, Scarlett, Bonnie Blue, Maddison, Eloise, every single week id have a different name some were ridiculas!

30 weeks + were my favourite weeks of pregnancy i was blooming and i loved it. I loved people coming up and asking me about my pregnancy.

At 36 weeks i remember i felt really swollen but i didnt think anything of it, untill i went to my Midwife apt at 37 weeks pregnant. as soon as she saw me she asked about headaches stars in my eyes and i couldnt understand why, she tested my urine sample and shook her head. then my blood pressure. 'I think you have pre'eclampsia' she said. I hadnt looked up about this i had no idea what it meant. 'Come back in exactly a week but if you feel funny call me ont this number any time'

I went back home, and straight on the computer i felt almost scared, panicky i didnt know what was going to happen, been put on bedrest meant i couldnt go out, id have to lie down most of the day which wasnt fun for me because i wanted to walk about, try get things moving in regards to labour.

I went back at 38 weeks, 'right you have to go to hospital' I gulped... my blood pressure was through the roof i has 3-4 lots of protein in my urine. I called my mum 'C,,,can you pick me up, i have to go to hospital' My midwife had said id probably be coming out with a baby.

(Please read my labour story)


  1. ive read both of your posts, well done on overcoming the stigma.

    good luck to you and your daughter, i write

    and if you'd like to read things from a different perspective feel free.

    i'd be very interested to hear what you think.

  2. Thankyou :) And please follow my blogs plenty to do, as my daughter is 13 months now!