my babies

my babies

Sunday, 17 October 2010

Emma sleeping.

Ever since Em was born ive co-slept it was easier when i was breastfeeding expecially with stitches as it hurt every time i moved, then when i stopped BF'ing she was really clingy and i never plucked up the courage to getting her into her moses basket/cot.  

That is untill 2 weeks ago, i decided now shes 1 shes a big girl! She needs to go in a big girl cot! So ive being doing it for around 2 weeks now, shes doing well with getting into bed she goes to sleep pretty easily it only takes 30 minutes or so :) 

Its in the middle of the night she usually wakes up at 1-2am for a couple of hours, and its exhausting shes not crying just winging and winging! And then she'll wake up at 6-7 so i get 4-5 hours sleep atm and im KNACKERED.

Sometimes i wish i had a boyfriend to help out but im proud of myself for doing it, and doing it on my own i still care for her during the day and now shes running around its abit of a handful but i love it.

And i hope she sleeps through soon!

Loosing my confidence.

The past few weeks ive being really down, i have another court case next week over access with my daughters father which im dreading, its making me ill.

I went to my Auntie's 50th birthay party on Saturday with Emma, none of my family came and talked to me and their was a FIT guy their but he didnt even give me a second look.

I feel Ugly. And i dont know how to change that, im starting to look at myself in a whole different light, Maybe i need a nose job? Definatly boob job... Maybe liposuction on my legs.

After having Emma ive turned invisable and untill now i didnt realise, ive concentrated souly on my gorgeous Em but now shes toddling and kind of letting go ive suddenly realised. 

How do single mothers get men again? How do they become visable again! No man is interested cause i dont go out every week, i dont even go out every month! I dont leave Emma because she is a part of me shes the most important thing in my life, maybe their isnt any more room to love anybody...

Tuesday, 12 October 2010

The exciting world of video blogging!

Very nervous but i thought that if i want my site to kick off then i need to lead by example!

We have Leah from underage and pregnant series 2 on their which may boost some fame! Its abit nerve racking though thankfully i had the light turned off so you can hardly see my face!
I just want my website to do well!

Friday, 8 October 2010

14 months & Worries

Emmas 14 months now nearly 15 shes doing so well with walking, nearly running infact! Shes chatting away and i think shes finished with her teeth!

Im trying to make friends so ive started going to a mums and tots group, going their has made me realise how TINY Emma really is when she got up and started walking mothers gasped and said 'Shes advanced she must be what, 8 months?' I giggled and told them that infact she was a little slow and was 14 months, some 6 month old babies looked bigger then her! I have made 2ish friends, one lives in my village but im not sure she likes me, she drove me to the mums and tots last week and we chatted with another girly around my age but this week she said she couldnt come and hasnt text me much, which is a shame cause she was lovely. And the other girly around my age is lovely although her little boy is only 4 months so Emma doesnt have much fun when im their.

Now im walking as i promised myself i am looking for a job! Ive applied for LOADS and absolutly no response but im sure it takes more then 3 days to get back to someone about a job.. Im really worried about leaving Emma and i dont know whether to stick to a nursery or a childminder (please give me advice!) Shes so clingy at the baby group she won't venture off unless she holds my hand and drags me to play which is quite sad really, i want her to be a social butterfly bit at the same time im a bit glad that she still needs me!

Last Friday i went to the pride of Northamptonshire awards (With Ricky Groves) as the young leaders were nominated and WE WON! im very happy and we were in the evening telegraph on Thursday aswell!

Im really getting down about being single now, its being ages! In a way i want to be single because i hate that men can be controlling and im having real body confident issues at the moment aswell, ive put on one pound yes one measly pound which lands me at 7st1 and i felt like crying i looked at my stomach and felt disgusting. Deep down i know im NOT fat or disgusting and i dont know why i feel so bad, i am seriously looking into the macrolane injections though (injecting fat into breasts) Because no one will love me with the way i look now. I want another baby so much, i want a house and a family life, i want a man who can love and protect me but where am i meant to find one in this village? I hardly ever go out and when i do its with Emma and i look minging!

Emma is all i need for the moment and when i get a job ill be able to treat her, i just hope its sooner rather then later!