When i was pregnant i had so many worries, my main one was not knowing what my baby wanted, not knowing what to do with her. Id never changed a nappy never had any experience with a baby!
But when she was born i picked it up very easily, my motherly insticts began straight away, I knew when she was hungry, i knew when she needed a nappy change or when she just wanted hugs (Most o the time!)
Dealing with a small baby was harder than i thought (4lb14 at birth- 4lb6 at 2 days old) The nurses gave me vitamins to syringe into her mouth, she always spat it out i got so worried that something would go terribly wrong if she didnt swollow them!
She used to drink 2-3oz every 3 hours, sometimes four if she was sleeping, i never woke her up whilst she was asleep. But nighttimes she'd only wake up once, at 4am on the dot.
I loves having a tiny baby to look after, i never wanted to put her down, i never did put her down 'She'll get clingy, you'll regret this' My mum kept saying 'yeye' i thought! That was untill she wouldnt go in her moses basket on a nighttime after her feed. Or go in her pram when i was in town, id have to carry her push the pram and waddle because my stitches were still sore.
I knew i should put her down more and even leave her to cry but i couldnt face it, i was a very anxious new mother, id put my finger under her nose every hour to make sure she was still breathing, i wouldnt leave her in a room by herself even when i had a bath id make sure my mum was in the same room with her. She was so little and precious anything could happen to her if someone wasnt their with her, id fought for her for so long their was no way i was letting go now.
Post Natal Anxiety isnt talked about enough, its different from deppression, instead of wanting to harm your baby or hated been with them, i was the opposite i was so scared something was going to happen id be so worried when i went in the bath or even for a wee. I didnt care if she would get clingy as long as she was near me, i probably needed her more then she needed me.
The first few months werent as hard as i thought they'd be, as everybody made out they were. She was such a good baby, putting on weight well smiling at me all the time. She was perfect.