my babies

my babies

Friday, 8 October 2010

14 months & Worries

Emmas 14 months now nearly 15 shes doing so well with walking, nearly running infact! Shes chatting away and i think shes finished with her teeth!

Im trying to make friends so ive started going to a mums and tots group, going their has made me realise how TINY Emma really is when she got up and started walking mothers gasped and said 'Shes advanced she must be what, 8 months?' I giggled and told them that infact she was a little slow and was 14 months, some 6 month old babies looked bigger then her! I have made 2ish friends, one lives in my village but im not sure she likes me, she drove me to the mums and tots last week and we chatted with another girly around my age but this week she said she couldnt come and hasnt text me much, which is a shame cause she was lovely. And the other girly around my age is lovely although her little boy is only 4 months so Emma doesnt have much fun when im their.

Now im walking as i promised myself i am looking for a job! Ive applied for LOADS and absolutly no response but im sure it takes more then 3 days to get back to someone about a job.. Im really worried about leaving Emma and i dont know whether to stick to a nursery or a childminder (please give me advice!) Shes so clingy at the baby group she won't venture off unless she holds my hand and drags me to play which is quite sad really, i want her to be a social butterfly bit at the same time im a bit glad that she still needs me!

Last Friday i went to the pride of Northamptonshire awards (With Ricky Groves) as the young leaders were nominated and WE WON! im very happy and we were in the evening telegraph on Thursday aswell!

Im really getting down about being single now, its being ages! In a way i want to be single because i hate that men can be controlling and im having real body confident issues at the moment aswell, ive put on one pound yes one measly pound which lands me at 7st1 and i felt like crying i looked at my stomach and felt disgusting. Deep down i know im NOT fat or disgusting and i dont know why i feel so bad, i am seriously looking into the macrolane injections though (injecting fat into breasts) Because no one will love me with the way i look now. I want another baby so much, i want a house and a family life, i want a man who can love and protect me but where am i meant to find one in this village? I hardly ever go out and when i do its with Emma and i look minging!

Emma is all i need for the moment and when i get a job ill be able to treat her, i just hope its sooner rather then later!

1 comment:

  1. Hey hunni,

    Re Childminder/Nursery if shes suffering with seperation anxiety then it may be an idea to go for the childminder if shes not keen on the big groups at mums and tots etc. Just remember whatever YOU choose will be right for your daughter because you know her best.

    Jobs at the moment suck I know around our area at least and I'm near london so figured it would be really easy to be able to get one, seems not!

    Everything will work out and come together in the end and it sounds like your motivated enough to make it all happen :D