my babies

my babies

Friday, 25 March 2011

My toddler, work and MEN!

Its being a long time since i did a blog so this is going to be a long one guys!!

First things first, EMMA! The love of my life, shes now 20 months i cant believe it. Shes as perfect as ever still not sleeping through but we'll get their hopefully.. Shes saying lots of sentences she can kiss properly. She loves dancing her favourite words are: Mummy, beebies and CAKE! Thats my girl!!
She is now 25lb so still a little dot, in 9-12 month old clothes soon to be 12-18 though, She makes my life complete and i dont know what id do without her.
I have a job! Well an apprentiship and im really enjoying it, been working for 2 weeks now although its a bit of a culture shock from being a full time mummy to going into full time work i miss Emma like crazy! But i know that shes going to thank me in the long run, things are really looking up for the two of us, and hopefully by next year ill be able to afford a place for me and Em, I cant wait to spoil her and buy her everything she wants because she deserves it.

Right, low down on men! Or shall i say MY man, yup thats right i finally have a boyfriend we've being dating for a month or so and made it official on Sunday, We'll call him Mr X. I thought i had baggage, but boy does this guy have baggage! I didnt think it'd bother me maybe im just being selfish. 
The main reason i think is because i scared hes always going to compare me and Emma to his dead wife and daughter, i dont want Em to be 2nd best and im so frightened that thats how hes going to treat her. Hes always busy aswell so i dont get to spend as much time with him but to be honest thats probably a good thing a ive put on so much weight i am now..wait for it....7 STONE 4! I dont know how ive managed it ive being looking at diet pills but i want to loose it in the 'healthy' way. Thats probably why  hes so 'busy' and why im his dirty little secret because im an elephant!
Which leads me on to my next moan...I know im an adult but he hasnt tagged me in a relationship on facebook all my friends keep saying its because hes probably got another woman maybe he has? Or maybe im being stupid he doesnt brag me about me or anything whereas even my friends that are boys brag! If your with someone surely you want to show them off and talk about them all the time? I know i talk about him lots to my friends! Hes really good with Emma though which is fab she seems quite comfortable with him to but because we dont see each other often she cant build a bond although maybe thats a good thing? Incase he runs away as most men do...So not the best start to a relationship, i thought the first couple of months were meant to be the best not filled with stress?
As most of you have read in my other blogs about my ex and that im scared of letting go i think thats why im making so many excuses NOT to fall for him should i just let it happen and risk getting hurt again? Or do i be pesimistic and push him away?

I have this 'friend' hes lovely he makes me laugh he constantly texts me i see him more then i see Mr X he fancies me soo much and he always asks about Emma and talks to her when i see him i miss just having a laugh, maybe wer'e getting too close we havent done anything not even so much as a hug so why do i feel so guilty!!

But all in all 2011 has being a good year, ive got a job and my daughter and thats all i need as long as Emmas happy then im happy!!

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