18 months

Emma is now 18 months old!! Its flown by its so crazy, she can point to her hair, nose, mouth, teeth, eyes, ears, tummy and ...boobies LOL! Her favourite words are 'i see' and 'whos/whats that'. However her tantrums are getting worse! Im sticking to my guns though and when mummy says no she means no as hard as that is... The worse times are when im on the bus or out in town i feel everyones looking at me thinking im a bad mum for letting her cry but i know its for the best even if it does break my heart! She was really poorly this week, i went out to see a friend on Tuesday and she decided to be sick for my mum, she was vomiting everywhere for days, not eating it was EXHAUSTING, i have never being so tired in my life, ive never had to take a nap during the day but i couldnt keep my eyes open. Thankfully shes over it now, she was sleeping in my bed whilst she was ill though so its abit of a struggle to get her sleeping in her cot.


The job hunt isnt going well, i got some more help with my CV so fingers crossed something will happen, ive decided if not im going to apply for college again on September even though i feel too old, but if you want to get anywhere in life now you have to have qualifications, im hoping to do a secretarial skills course or something of that nature!

Man front isnt good either, but its only Febuary! Im feeling really lonely at the moment aswell cause of Valentines coming up, the WORST day ever if your single, every time i see people kissing or holding hands or valentines cards i wana scream!
Their was a guy, a gorgeous fit sexy one! But hes out of my league not into babies either i dont think, life goes on though eh!?

I had a meeting with young leaders last week im the head of the young parents campaign which is fab! Going to afew meetings late Feb early March for it, really excited that we've had a lot of good comments about it rather than synics!

LEAVING THE PAST BEHIND. 2011 is our year.

This year hasnt being the best, but it hasnt being the worse either. The past 3-4 months have being a bit of a fresh start for me and Em. Emma's dad no longer wants to see her, which was put a massive weight off my shoulder, we've moved to a nicer area, ive made nicer friends and im nearly driving aswell.

I want to get a job in the next 2-3 months in order for me and Em to move out, its definatly the right time now, i feel more confident, and it will be nice for us to have our own space! The only thing im worried about is lonliness! But hopefully friends will come over and with me working ill get out of the house and Em will be able to meet some baby friends!

Another major one for me is to pass my driving test and get a car! I had a saxo but sold it, i couldnt get on with the none power steering at all! (If someone could reccomend me cheap PRETTY cars preferably pink let me know)

I want Emma to carry on being the smiley bundle of joy that she always is, for her to develop sociably and get friends instead of clinging onto mummy (as much as i love it!) Potty training is going pretty well too, so hopefully she'll carry on with that. As long as shes happy i cant ask for much else!....

But if im VERY VERY VERY lucky this year, then Mr right might turn up ;) Someone who will accept Emma and realise shes THE love of my life! I want someone funny, happy, positive and laid back. You never know whats around the corner though!


All in all in feeling very positive about this being a fresh start, afterall life is what YOU make of it.

Taking its toll,

Living in a village not being able to drive is hard, expecially when its snowing! I cant get anywhere i havent been out for a while now i feel isolated and in need of friendly conversations!

Me and Emma have being poorly aswell this week, its hard enough when your child is poorly but when you are aswell its terrible, your both grouchy and your both tired and you both need tlc. I just wanted to be in bed and sleep but Em just isnt sleeping, she hasnt had a nap in the past 4 days she'll go to sleep at 6-7 then wake up at 10 untill 2 and toos and turn and cry and winge every hour or so and wake up at 7.

Tonight i was getting Emma in her cot to sleep, i sit at the bottom of the cot so im their but so i cant distract her and i looked in the mirror and burst into tears, my eyebags my hair i look so rough i dont look like im 18 no wonder im single. But i also feel selfish i shouldnt be sad about looking so awful or been single because i have this beautiful little girl who i love dearly. Winter definatly takes its toll when your a single mummy!

Emma sleeping.

Ever since Em was born ive co-slept it was easier when i was breastfeeding expecially with stitches as it hurt every time i moved, then when i stopped BF'ing she was really clingy and i never plucked up the courage to getting her into her moses basket/cot.  

That is untill 2 weeks ago, i decided now shes 1 shes a big girl! She needs to go in a big girl cot! So ive being doing it for around 2 weeks now, shes doing well with getting into bed she goes to sleep pretty easily it only takes 30 minutes or so :) 

Its in the middle of the night she usually wakes up at 1-2am for a couple of hours, and its exhausting shes not crying just winging and winging! And then she'll wake up at 6-7 so i get 4-5 hours sleep atm and im KNACKERED.

Sometimes i wish i had a boyfriend to help out but im proud of myself for doing it, and doing it on my own i still care for her during the day and now shes running around its abit of a handful but i love it.

And i hope she sleeps through soon!

Loosing my confidence.

The past few weeks ive being really down, i have another court case next week over access with my daughters father which im dreading, its making me ill.

I went to my Auntie's 50th birthay party on Saturday with Emma, none of my family came and talked to me and their was a FIT guy their but he didnt even give me a second look.

I feel Ugly. And i dont know how to change that, im starting to look at myself in a whole different light, Maybe i need a nose job? Definatly boob job... Maybe liposuction on my legs.

After having Emma ive turned invisable and untill now i didnt realise, ive concentrated souly on my gorgeous Em but now shes toddling and kind of letting go ive suddenly realised. 

How do single mothers get men again? How do they become visable again! No man is interested cause i dont go out every week, i dont even go out every month! I dont leave Emma because she is a part of me shes the most important thing in my life, maybe their isnt any more room to love anybody...

The exciting world of video blogging!

Very nervous but i thought that if i want my site to kick off then i need to lead by example!
http://youngmumssupport.webs.com/

We have Leah from underage and pregnant series 2 on their which may boost some fame! Its abit nerve racking though thankfully i had the light turned off so you can hardly see my face!
I just want my website to do well!

14 months & Worries

Emmas 14 months now nearly 15 shes doing so well with walking, nearly running infact! Shes chatting away and i think shes finished with her teeth!


Im trying to make friends so ive started going to a mums and tots group, going their has made me realise how TINY Emma really is when she got up and started walking mothers gasped and said 'Shes advanced she must be what, 8 months?' I giggled and told them that infact she was a little slow and was 14 months, some 6 month old babies looked bigger then her! I have made 2ish friends, one lives in my village but im not sure she likes me, she drove me to the mums and tots last week and we chatted with another girly around my age but this week she said she couldnt come and hasnt text me much, which is a shame cause she was lovely. And the other girly around my age is lovely although her little boy is only 4 months so Emma doesnt have much fun when im their.

Now im walking as i promised myself i am looking for a job! Ive applied for LOADS and absolutly no response but im sure it takes more then 3 days to get back to someone about a job.. Im really worried about leaving Emma and i dont know whether to stick to a nursery or a childminder (please give me advice!) Shes so clingy at the baby group she won't venture off unless she holds my hand and drags me to play which is quite sad really, i want her to be a social butterfly bit at the same time im a bit glad that she still needs me!

Last Friday i went to the pride of Northamptonshire awards (With Ricky Groves) as the young leaders were nominated and WE WON! im very happy and we were in the evening telegraph on Thursday aswell!

Im really getting down about being single now, its being ages! In a way i want to be single because i hate that men can be controlling and im having real body confident issues at the moment aswell, ive put on one pound yes one measly pound which lands me at 7st1 and i felt like crying i looked at my stomach and felt disgusting. Deep down i know im NOT fat or disgusting and i dont know why i feel so bad, i am seriously looking into the macrolane injections though (injecting fat into breasts) Because no one will love me with the way i look now. I want another baby so much, i want a house and a family life, i want a man who can love and protect me but where am i meant to find one in this village? I hardly ever go out and when i do its with Emma and i look minging!

Emma is all i need for the moment and when i get a job ill be able to treat her, i just hope its sooner rather then later!